I can speak of this as not only am I a recovering people pleaser, but also a recovering perfectionist. And I can tell you, that’s a troublesome combination.

What’s fascinating to me is that I can see very clearly when others are in the grip of these drivers, but it’s so much harder to hold the mirror up to myself. But here’s what I’ve realised, as I notice it in others, it’s the nudge I need to take a quick look at my own behaviour.

A simple “Where can I be kinder to myself?” is all that it takes.

You know we are all connected, energetically or by collective consciousness, so when I choose to be vulnerable enough to also share that I’m asking myself that question, others actually feel that I’m inviting them to reflect on the question for themselves. That’s what resonance is about.

I know it might sound weird to you that tears are an integral part of my unfolding, so let me explain. I feel emotions very deeply but I’m not always with those people I trust, those who I know have the capacity to hold the space for me to emote.

When that happens, I hold my emotions back, hold them in and hold myself together. These are some of the bioenergetic holding patterns that I personally guide my Frustrated to Flourishing travelling companions through during our journey.

And for me, using music to enable myself to take the stopper off my bottled up emotions created softness again in my belly, chest and throat.

It was so cathartic and now I am truly unfolding.

I know that asking for help can be a challenge for many introverts, so I encourage you to not see it as a weakness, or a failing. Reframe it so you can see it as the opportunity for others to play to their strengths and showcase their abilities.

We all like those opportunities after all.

• I asked my team to manage things for me whilst I was away so no-one would notice my absence. I trust them implicitly so had no doubts in their abilities.

• I asked for help whilst I was on the retreat by having some treatments that focused on particular niggles I had. I could have ignored them, but that’s what the specialists are there for.

• I asked for help when my pre-retreat hotel room wasn’t what was promised. I could have put up with it, but I didn’t. Sometimes help comes with an assertive bow around it.

So, please don’t be too proud, stubborn or independent to ask for help. It enables others to shine.

Of course I’m advocating for time away so you can be cossetted but that’s not an option for everyone. Do you know how to carve time out for yourself at home?

If not, I strongly suggest you take a look at Jennie Lawson’s Mimosa Sanctuary https://www.mimosasanctuary.com/

Jennie has managed to create an experience we can all have at home that does a really good job of creating that calm, grounding experience at home. It’s been a true blessing for me and kept me sane these last few years.

Guilt and shame are two sneaky emotions that can easily keep we introverts from getting the rest and replenishment we desperately need. When we feel like we’re not doing enough or fear being perceived as “lazy,” guilt creeps in.

We might push ourselves to stay busy, over-commit, or overextend, all in the name of proving our worth. Shame often tags along, whispering that taking time for ourselves is selfish or unproductive, feeding the belief that resting is a weakness or something to be earned only after we’ve done “enough.”

Remember though, they are not optional luxuries for us: They are our essentials, non-negotiable needs that enable us to be the best version of ourselves.   

This is the idiom of ‘the fish rots from the head’. It’s not biologically correct as fish actually rot from their guts, but poor leadership inevitably leads to the destruction of trust, a drop in engagement and ultimately, bad results.

And you’ve heard many times that people join an organisation and leave a bad manager. Football managers are sacked most publicly when the team performs badly because all of their fans, who give their time and money to support feel let down. And that’s how organisational employees feel when their leaders don’t do what’s needed; they feel let down.

However, the job of a manager is not to be liked and do what people want. It’s to do what needs doing in ways that take people on the journey with them. 

Maybe I’m noticing more of the small things as gratitude is firmly front of mind for me. So much around us is unnecessary drama, tittle-tattle and complaining. I think I’ll start publicly sharing my 100 days of gratitude practice again.

Thoughts really do become things and if I focus on the negative, I will both notice and attract more of those to me.

No thanks.

Less news and more new experiences is the nugget I am cherishing this week.

What if there were an instant way to remind us of good memories, positive events and uplifting instances? And what if we had a tangible way of quietening our inner critic?

Well there actually is!

It’s called a ‘Gratitude Jar’ and if you don’t already have one, it’s time to create yours now.

Every single time something positive happens, a good memory is created and our heart is full of joy – let’s write a little gratitude note and drop it in our Gratitude Jar. Keep the jar by your desk, or on the bedside table – really wherever it is easy for you to access and the place where you spend your thinking time.

Being able to remind ourselves of those happy and fulfilling times coupled with the kind words others said about what we mean to them is a pretty foolproof way to reassure ourselves when we doubt or feel down.

Now, every time you are facing a difficult day and the going gets tough, you can reach out and pick one of these ‘lucky dips’ to read – and remind you of a moment when your heart was filled with gratitude and you were smiling ear to ear.

Let your own gratitude, your own words and your own joy from that moment lift you up when you feel dark and discouraged. Let your own memories of a moment when you were so proud of how far you have come, become your reassurance. Let them give you the strength to lift you up and encourage you to move forward regardless of what is currently weighing heavily on your mind.

Let’s make this a practice. Let’s make this a power. Let’s make this one of the most uplifting tools in your toolkit – so you can flip your limiting beliefs in a difficult moment and move from a frustrated to flourishing mindset within moments. Once you recognise and utilise your inner strength and qualities, you’ll have the courage to take your next steps with a renewed sense of purpose.

Let yesterday’s you be the power behind today’s you – a formidable team!

Shall we?

Quietly, and formidably yours,
-Joanna