Learning is a journey of trust
Nugget of the Week
There is an old saying which goes “A problem shared is a problem halved”. In the grip of a problem, we’re think we’re being considerate by keeping it to ourselves.
This became really relevant for me this week as a good friend was clearly struggling, but reluctant to ask for help as they didn’t want to trouble anyone else.
But there is real substance behind that old saying which in this age of anxiety, were someone dies by suicide every 90 minutes here in the UK, we’d do well to remember. Sharing with those we trust is not burdening them, it truly is lightening our varied loads.
- It can provide emotional relief as you’re expressing feelings and emotions caught in our bodies and brains. As we release what has been trapped, our wellbeing improves. Beware the vulnerability hangover though.
- It can provide new perspectives not because those you share with automatically offer their point of view, but because as we speak what we’re struggling with, we often hear both the truth and the fantasy, or catastrophised version of the truth.
- It can help you feel supported. Once you truly know that not only are you not alone, but that others genuinely care for you, you can rest easier. Remember we are all human and therefore built for connection; the right type of connection.
All it takes is for you to have both a felt sense and the knowledge that you are safe, with yourself and your chosen sharing partner. I consider it one of the highest compliments anyone can give me.
In Photo: My friend and official photographer – Brigitta (NUX) Scholz Mastroianni
This Sh** Really Happened!
One of the delegates said at the end of the training “Can I have you on speed dial please Jo?” Whilst this may seem quite flattering initially, it’s not quite as it seems.
Now why might I not be flattered? Well, as a change agent, facilitator and coach, I want people to feel confident enough to apply the learning, and if they feel they need me in their back pocket or on speed dial, my job is not yet complete.
One of the ways I measure success in my role is when I’m no longer needed – A bit like Nanny McPhee. I still remember her infamous line “There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go.”
Here’s what I need to clarify though – did this delegate want me more than she needed me? If that’s the case, then I am safe to go and leave her to apply her learning. If not, then I’d be better doing something pretty soon to reinforce her learning and make it stickier.
Maybe I’ll be more Nanny McPhee in future and ask that question.
Coming up, Buttercup!
Does this time of year have you feeling more No, No, No than Ho, Ho, Ho? Don’t despair, my Seasonal Sanity Savers are getting their annual overhaul.
It took me a few years to educate my nearest about how draining I found the whole ‘festive season’. I’d developed a number of ways to keep myself from feeling overwhelmed one day ate a time and they turned into my popular Seasonal Sanity Savers. I mean, why keep something to yourself, when they can help other people.
My husband is so on board with my (and now our) need for calm that he often jokes that we should keep the curtains closed and tell everyone we’ve gone away for Christmas.
So tempting.
Anyway, if you struggle as I did (and sometime still do), make sure you opt-in for my daily hints, tips and boundary reminders that are proven to work. You’ll receive an email every day throughout December, because the stress and pressure of social, workplace and family expectations lasts for the whole month.
And if you are already awash with emails and receiving one more a day through December would just add to your overwhelm, you’ll be delighted to know we’ve thought of that too! You can now access them via LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I can’t think of a better way to counter feeling depleted and defeated than a daily nudge, a delicious moment of calm amidst the chaos and a pragmatic reminder to look after your wellbeing.
It costs you nothing and may just save your sanity!
Hot off the Press
Released this week by the House of Flourishing Introverts.
If you rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify as well as Like, Comment and Share the YouTube video you will be helping other fellow introverts who may find this content helpful, encouraging them to live a more fulfilled and authentic life.
As ever, I am here in your corner to advocate for you.
Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker | Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish
