Tag: Introvert Career Growth

At first glance, it may appear as though I’m encouraging you to become playwright. What you may not realise is that in some ways you already are though, because going back many years, you began to write the script of your own life.

What I’m now inviting you to do is to take back full editorial control of your scripts and here’s why.

The script you began crafting in your childhood was based on limited experiences and questionable decision making. Not through any fault of your own of course, but given that we now know the pre-frontal cortex of the brain, the part involved in understanding consequences of our actions, doesn’t finish developing until, on average, 25 years old, any decisions we make before that age may be considered questionable.

For clarity, I’m referring to the concept of Lifescripts, a key component of Transactional Analysis, which is a theory of personality and a psychological framework or set of theories. I’ve long been a fan and refer to it often. And, there was a particular reason why it appeared again on my radar recently.

It really doesn’t make sense for me to continue to live my life as the youngster in me thought I should. Little Joanna may have thought it was a great idea at the time of writing, but as I’ve been finding out over the years, she was working with a restricted view of the horizon.

And here’s why I began on this particular jaunt. I was exploring the mental receipts we hoard for a podcast episode, when I had a flash of insight. A BFBO as I call them. I think the mental receipts we tend to cherish and probably hold on to long past when we need to, are those that align beautifully with our predominant life script. We don’t have just one though and I outlined some of the different types in my related LinkedIn Article xxxxxx

Now I must say that rewriting lifescripts is usually work done in conjunction with a therapist, and I’d always recommend that, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a start ourselves. And as the title of this article nudges us to consider, knowing when is it’s time for that work is essential.

Here’s what nudged me to know it was time.

When I took a careful look at the mental receipts I’d been hanging on to, the common theme was that they reinforced an I’m Not Ok script. There was no evidence that I could quickly find of me thinking I was OK. It occurred to me that I didn’t really value any of that evidence. Kind of sad when I think about it now.

So I had created a pretty intricate web of selective evidence all of which reinforced a
process script confirming that I was not enough, a restriction script embedding that I was not worthy of love, and an outcome script which suggested that I’d not be one of life’s winners. These script types I explained in the LinkedIn article if you want to know more.

What’s interesting to me about the ‘not being a winner’ is that this is distinct in some ways and therefore not the same thing at all as me being a loser. It’s like little Joanna decided I would occupy middle ground territory. I’d be just enough, do ok but not brilliantly, be likeable but not loveable.

If ever I was going to receive a bloomin’ great shove that it was time to rewrite my life scripts, that was it.

Delve into any good text about Transactional Analysis and you’ll find the basic steps on how to rewrite your life script, and whilst that’s not really what this article is about, I thought it might be helpful to give you a few pointers if you want to start the work on your own.

• Take a close look at the mental receipts you tend to keep and notice what pattern they reveal. This may be uncomfortable but stay with it.
• See if you can recall without reliving your childhood experiences where the young you decided these were the best strategies for recognition, acceptance and belonging.
• Intentionally look for evidence that contradicts your scripts and pay attention to how you feel when examining those receipts.
• Grant yourself a refund or shred the receipts that no longer represent how you live your life from this day forward.
• Decide what types of mental receipts you are going to collect in the future, the receipts that will evidence an updated script.

Those steps represent a solid start, and signify you’re taking back editorial control of your life.

I have very fond memories of Mick Cope – a true legend in his own lifetime – teaching me his MPH model as part of the certification programme for his 7Cs of Consulting. He had a knack of making complex concepts really simple – something I’m forever grateful of.

The 9 lenses of this model create a wonderfully helpful way to view and understand a situation, in order to create robust solutions, And as you might imagine, being the humans we are, we all have our natural preferences when it comes to the 9.

The three Ps in this model refer to an orientation in relation to time, and the lenses are Past, Present, and Projected.

Some of us are more naturally oriented to the past and the focus is lessons learned, predictable patterns, and undeniable history. We’ll often hear that in their language – things like “When we tried that before…” and “Let’s not forget what happened last time…”.

Some of us are more oriented to the present – focusing on the immediacy of a situation with current pressures and needs. We’ll hear things like “What needs our attention right now?”

The final P is projected and looks to the future; the world of intentions, ambitions and possibilities. The language we might hear that indicate this lens is in focus includes “How might that work?” and “If anything were possible what could we do?”.

Now, all three lenses have their place and when it comes to our strengths, I’d encourage us to look through all three, regardless of your preference. There will be strengths that you’ve developed over time – and if you’re anything like me, you may have seriously doubted if they were ever going to really become strengths. These include things you love doing but we’re not yet competent at, and/or things you were competent at but didn’t really enjoy. Both have the potential to become strengths in my experience.

In episode 340 of my podcast, The Flourishing Introvert Talks, I recommended undertaking a strengths audit to determine which of your current strengths might be of benefit in your future roles – planned or aspirational. So this is very intentionally pointing you to ask those projected type questions. And typically what we’ll find there, especially if you’re looking to take on a more senior role, are the strengths and skills associated with strategic thinking, inclusive influencing, executive presence and visibility, psychological safety, challenge, visionary leadership and more.

Now depending on your lived experience, the development provided by your organisation, and whatever you’ve chosen to do under your own steam, that list may sound a bit daunting. But, being forewarned as they say is forearmed.

Most organisations that I work with expect to see evidence or at least potential of the strengths and qualities you’ll need to demonstrate at a higher level before they promote you. So what are you options? Hope for the best and that you’ll not mess up too badly as you find your feet? Or steal a march by knowing what’s needed, beginning your own development, and getting ahead of the game?

I know which my preference is.

And some of that comes down to my engineering background and my experience as a project manager. If you take the time to anticipate the risks thoroughly, and put plans in place, you’re prepared for all (or most) eventualities.

And, why would I allow unnecessary risks when it comes to my own career and future prospects?

Short answer, I wouldn’t.

But without those lenses, we can become complacent, resting on past laurels, or worse still, accept what others have told us are our strengths. I explored this in an edition of The Flourishing Nudge, my LinkedIn newsletter, as I have such memories of buying into other’s opinions of me rather than believing in my own understanding of my strengths.

So my recommendation is, don’t rely entirely on others to shape you career. They will play a part undoubtedly, but it’s you who are in the driving seat.

And as you look at the road ahead and confirm your route, make sure you’re on top of what’s needed for that journey.