Day 04 – December 04, 2024

Day 04

...Compassion begins with ourselves

Welcome to Day FOUR of our A-Z+ of Seasonal Sanity Savers – 2024.

Today’s letter is ‘C’ and I gift you the word Compassion but there is a very specific angle I bring to the table.

We introverts are thinkers, and considerate ones at that. We are mindful about what we say and how it will affect others. We are compassionate, caring and in fact careful in how we treat others.

However, having compassion should start with ourselves. To recognise and respect our own needs is never about being selfish. As a matter of fact it is about being thoughtful on how we can look after ourselves so we can show up for others with our best ability to be kind and supportive towards them too.

Whether it is being a leader, or colleague or a family member – honouring your needs is about walking the talk and leading by example, at work and home. Saying ‘no’ to certain invitations with compassion for self and empathy towards other involves clarity of our own capacity and communicating it positively and thoughtfully. That is never a bad thing.

What you are doing is setting expectations for others while respecting what your head, heart and body needs. And trust me when I say, when you learn to be compassionate with yourself you are much more able to have empathy and understanding towards others too.

Let us use the power of compassion for self and others to balance between your needs and what others can expect from you.

I do it. I encourage you to do it too.

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Tomorrow’s letter is D. Now that you are loving this journey, what do you think D is about? In fact, what will D be about for YOU?
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Did you miss out on the last 3 days of Sanity Savers? I got you covered. Check them out here.

  • 1 minute

Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker |  Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge  | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish

Day 03 – December 03, 2024

Day 03

...Because Boundaries are Essential!

Welcome to Day THREE of our A-Z+ of Seasonal Sanity Savers – 2024.

It is all about the “B” today – and I’m adding ‘Boundaries’ to your Sanity Saver Kit.

For we introverts, boundaries are essential for battery regulation; they’re armour that both protects and balances our power.

Our boundaries help us navigate the frenzied festive season without sacrificing our sanity and without giving up our peace.

Let us not forget, setting boundaries is not about being rigid, or rude. Far from it. It is about honouring our needs and creating space for what truly matters for us in this period.

Remember, we decide what we say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to, as I mentioned in A-Acknowledge yesterday.

Before committing, I always ask myself – Is this in alignment with my capacity and energy? Is this a priority for me? Will I feel happier or frustrated after accepting this?

Dec 03 - Boundaries

Installing, maintaining and upholding boundaries protects us from burn-out, from misunderstandings, keeping us safe from overwhelm.

Saying ‘no’ is not being impolite. Quite the opposite – it is a powerful form of self-care and honest communication so a respectful gesture for all involved.

In believe boundaries ascertain meaningful connection without exhaustion or keeping up appearances, no pun intended.

Boundaries are indeed Balance, Benevolence and Beauty of authentically selective participation.

Let me say this out loud – prioritising your boundaries is not selfish, it is self-care.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.” –  Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

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Tomorrow we dive into letter C. What do you think it will be about? I am curious about your guesses and contributions. (and not, it is NOT Contribution, LOL!)
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In case you signed up late and missed out on last two days, not to worry – you can access them here.

  • 2 minutes

Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker |  Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge  | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish

Day 02 – December 02, 2024

Day 02

The importance of Acknowledgement, to self!

Welcome to Day TWO of our A-Z+ of Seasonal Sanity Savers – 2024.

Today’s letter is ‘A’ – and I am adding ‘Acknowledgement’ to your Sanity Saver Kit.

It is but a reality for we introverts that the festive season can feel like a rollercoaster of social events, especially because people expect us to show up in settings that are not quite introvert inclusive.

In this case, ‘Acknowledgement’ of our needs and capacity is our tool that saves our sanity. Our social-battery relies on us being energised. So when considering which events to accept, recognise your needs, and operate from a space of clear understanding of your capacity.

Let us take a moment to review the invitations. Does it align with our priorities, or will it drain our social battery rapidly, with a risk of going flat when we introverts need it the most?

The first person we need to be transparent with is ourselves.

Dec 2 Acknowledge

Being absolutely honest with ourself – what works for us, what is too much? We need to use this self-transparency as the compass to acknowledging our needs and capacity, to politely decline, or even confidently assert that our presence will be for a limited time.

If we need to stay in, we stay in. Let’s not commit when we do not have the capacity to show up as our authentic self. Instead, we have a quiet night in, or choose a smaller, quieter gathering to be part of. Prioritise what fills our cup and acknowledge to ourself that we do not need to show up everywhere, for everyone, at every event.

Now that I acknowledge to myself that I am an Open Introvert, I do this for myself and I invite you to join me.

“Aspire not to have more but to be more.” – Archbishop Romero

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Tomorrow’s letter is B. Any guesses what will it be about?
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Did you miss out on December 1 post of Sanity Savers? Worry not, check it out here!

  • 1 minute

Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker |  Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge  | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish

Day 01 – December 01, 2024

Day 01

The commitment to 'Me time'

Welcome to Day ONE of our A-Z+ of Seasonal Sanity Savers – 2024.

As the festive season arrives, somehow time seems to escape us faster and we forget to catch a breath. The clock keeps ticking, the deadlines keep getting closer and there’s so much to do.

For we introverts, it can be pleasurable to be with friends and family who understand our needs, or we find ourselves ticking the days off and suddenly it is all over.

This year around, let’s make a commitment to ourselves: that, we will put aside a block of time every single day, maybe at the same time so we can as I said, ‘catch a breath’. Let us make it a calming routine that helps us recharge so we can continue to flourish despite all the rush and noise around us.

Afterall, we know how easy it is to forget things, well often ourselves and our needs when we get busy.

So, we’ll be doing the countdown right through to the New Year. That’s when we expect some semblance of normality to return and brings us to the brink of World Introvert Day on Jan 2nd.

As usual, I’ll be hosting a LIVE Webinar to celebrate calmly and gently as that’s the way I intend 2025 to go for me.

Our Seasonal Sanity Savers are so important as they are daily reminders to look after ourselves and our needs. I’m super excited as again this year I’m featuring the photos of many of our talented introverts.

Tomorrow, we start at the very beginning with ‘A’, (a very good place to start!) so what do you know or do that starts with an ‘A’ that helps you hang on to your sanity?

Share your suggestions in the comments and who knows there might be a hidden treasure or few along the way?

Quietly and calmly yours,
-Joanna
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You can receive these Sanity Savers via email or our Introvert Round Table community presence on all major social platforms. For more info log on here. Please feel free to pass these on to any of your fellow introverts.

  • 2 minutes

Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker |  Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge  | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish

Learning is a journey of trust

Learning is a journey of trust

Nugget of the Week

There is an old saying which goes “A problem shared is a problem halved”. In the grip of a problem, we’re think we’re being considerate by keeping it to ourselves.

This became really relevant for me this week as a good friend was clearly struggling, but reluctant to ask for help as they didn’t want to trouble anyone else.

But there is real substance behind that old saying which in this age of anxiety, were someone dies by suicide every 90 minutes here in the UK, we’d do well to remember. Sharing with those we trust is not burdening them, it truly is lightening our varied loads.

  • It can provide emotional relief as you’re expressing feelings and emotions caught in our bodies and brains. As we release what has been trapped, our wellbeing improves. Beware the vulnerability hangover though.
  • It can provide new perspectives not because those you share with automatically offer their point of view, but because as we speak what we’re struggling with, we often hear both the truth and the fantasy, or catastrophised version of the truth.
  • It can help you feel supported. Once you truly know that not only are you not alone, but that others genuinely care for you, you can rest easier. Remember we are all human and therefore built for connection; the right type of connection.

All it takes is for you to have both a felt sense and the knowledge that you are safe, with yourself and your chosen sharing partner. I consider it one of the highest compliments anyone can give me.

In Photo: My friend and official photographer – Brigitta (NUX) Scholz Mastroianni

This Sh** Really Happened!

One of the delegates said at the end of the training “Can I have you on speed dial please Jo?” Whilst this may seem quite flattering initially, it’s not quite as it seems.

Now why might I not be flattered? Well, as a change agent, facilitator and coach, I want people to feel confident enough to apply the learning, and if they feel they need me in their back pocket or on speed dial, my job is not yet complete.

One of the ways I measure success in my role is when I’m no longer needed – A bit like Nanny McPhee. I still remember her infamous line “There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go.”

Here’s what I need to clarify though – did this delegate want me more than she needed me? If that’s the case, then I am safe to go and leave her to apply her learning. If not, then I’d be better doing something pretty soon to reinforce her learning and make it stickier.

Maybe I’ll be more Nanny McPhee in future and ask that question.

 

Coming up, Buttercup!

Does this time of year have you feeling more No, No, No than Ho, Ho, Ho? Don’t despair, my Seasonal Sanity Savers are getting their annual overhaul.

It took me a few years to educate my nearest about how draining I found the whole ‘festive season’. I’d developed a number of ways to keep myself from feeling overwhelmed one day ate a time and they turned into my popular Seasonal Sanity Savers. I mean, why keep something to yourself, when they can help other people.

My husband is so on board with my (and now our) need for calm that he often jokes that we should keep the curtains closed and tell everyone we’ve gone away for Christmas.

So tempting.

Anyway, if you struggle as I did (and sometime still do), make sure you opt-in for my daily hints, tips and boundary reminders that are proven to work. You’ll receive an email every day throughout December, because the stress and pressure of social, workplace and family expectations lasts for the whole month.

And if you are already awash with emails and receiving one more a day through December would just add to your overwhelm, you’ll be delighted to know we’ve thought of that too! You can now access them via LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. 

I can’t think of a better way to counter feeling depleted and defeated than a daily nudge, a delicious moment of calm amidst the chaos and a pragmatic reminder to look after your wellbeing.

It costs you nothing and may just save your sanity!

Hot off the Press

Released this week by the House of Flourishing Introverts. 

If you rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify as well as Like, Comment and Share the YouTube video you will be helping other fellow introverts who may find this content helpful, encouraging them to live a more fulfilled and authentic life. 

As ever, I am here in your corner to advocate for you.

  • 4 minutes

Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker |  Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge  | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish

And the scary season begins..

And the scary season begins..

Nugget of the Week

Don’t be too quick to rule out an opportunity. I know I’ve recommended that you become discerning about which invitations to accept, but being hasty maybe a mistake.

One thing I have noticed is that if I feel a little fear or anxiety about an invitation, it’d be all too easy to immediately decline and use my need for replenishment as a reason (or excuse).

But here is what I’ve realised. Those very things that stop me in my tracks and question myself are quite possibly the things that will give me the opportunity to grow. And as human’s we’re pre-wired to learn & grow.

So the question I now ask myself is what could I learn about myself or my client base and their challenges by accepting this opportunity?

This simple question has delivered significant return on investment in terms of my knowledge, understanding and confidence. And if I’d declined, I’d be the poorer for it.

This Sh** Really Happened!

When I arrived in London on Monday afternoon, it was tipping down with rain, so I did what any sensible person would do and I took a Black Cab. Did I say sensible?

I thought I was being sensible, but there were several factors that I hadn’t accounted for. Lots of road closures and my driver – Alan.

I began to wonder if there was something wrong with Alan’s cab as it was behaving like a kangaroo; not a pleasant experience. I debated about mentioning this but could see he was an older guy who probably wouldn’t respond well to a woman questioning his driving.

After about 20 minutes of kangarooing at a snail’s pace, I said “Traffic is slow tonight Alan“. Talk about small-talk! But as we know, it’s the gateway conversation starter.

Alan then slid open the divider and said “It is, and forgive me I have a speech impediment.” I said that’s not a problem and we started a more meaningful conversation during which Alan told me in stilted fashion that he was lucky to be alive. Apparently, a few years ago he collapsed (previously undetected hole in his heart) and as he lived on his own, went a few days before someone found him. I immediately felt shame at my judgement of Alan’s kangaroo driving.

For the rest of the journey I was happy to engage Alan in meaningful conversation knowing that once his shift was over, he’d be going back to his empty flat, devoid of company of conversation until his next shift.

Introverts are human too and therefore need connection too. On our own terms.

Coming up, Buttercup!

 I can’t look ahead to December without feeling mixed emotions – slight dread at the insanity that often prevails and excitement as I now have tools to handle this season.

Impending insanity because we’re now firmly into the so called ‘festive season’ but that’s not how it feels to many of us.

Of course we introverts will be expected to participate in all the extraverted gatherings with a smile on our face when we’d probably rather stay home and avoid all the noise. But, if we do that we know we’ll be judge as anti-social, boring, stick-in-the-muds. Either that or just plain rude!

However, we know that we’re not anti-social, we’re selectively social. We tend to operate on a different ‘channel’ and need our pre-charging, recharging and a side of intentional self-care.

So many years ago now, I came up with something that I am told time and time again has helped many introverts to cope with the festivities, show up to social gatherings and events whilst maintaining their sanity.

Intrigued?

Then you’ll want my Seasonal Sanity Savers.

They are daily hints, tips and self-care reminders for every day throughout December, not just Advent.

Why?

Because the stress and pressure of social, workplace and family expectations lasts for the whole month, so it makes sense to have support for the whole month.

What better way to counter feeling depleted and defeated than a daily nudge, a delicious moment of calm amidst the chaos and a pragmatic reminder to look after your wellbeing.

Of course, if you want to go through December feeling dread and despondency, you can always ignore this offer.

But if you’re ready for another way, sign-up here.

It costs you nothing and may just save your sanity!

Watch this amazing episode of

(dropping) Pebbles in the Pond,

featuring Frea O’Brien

 

Making a decision about when to play to which of your introverted strengths is a real gift that can move the needle when you’re feeling stuck. Frea gave us a challenge during her appearance on PITP which Shelley has already accepted and actioned.

Visit her website right here.

Some of the Watch Buttons below will work closer or on the date of event only. 

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Hot off the Press

Released this week by the House of Flourishing Introverts. 

If you rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify as well as Like, Comment and Share the YouTube video you will be helping other fellow introverts who may find this content helpful, encouraging them to live a more fulfilled and authentic life. 

I look forward to you tuning in and always welcome and appreciate your feedback!

  • 4 minutes

Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker |  Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge  | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish