I woke on Saturday morning with a single thought in my mind.

Are we as introverts addicted to playing safe?

Or if not addicted, are we rather resigned to it in some way?

I was curious as to why this might be my waking thought and on reflection I realised that I’m involved in a few things that are quite a way outside my comfort zone at the moment.

It feels like I’m doing a Paso Doble that occasionally plants one foot in my competency zone but is predominantly danced across my learning edge and out into my fear zone. And, the way I’m using my cape is both attracting my ‘bull’ and concealing my weapons.

I do feel like I’m preparing for a battle and I can’t deny I have felt some trepidation.

And of course, I have choices.

I could have said or still say –

Actually, this is too difficult so let me pull out.

or,

I’m not sure I’m the right person for this.

or even,

I don’t need this hassle at my age.

But, as Helen Keller said,

“Life is either a great adventure or nothing”.

And, I choose great adventures which means I do need to get my ‘brave on’ fairly regularly.

–

The feeling when you come out of the other side of an adventure to use Keller’s terms, or a personal or professional challenge, can be nothing short of thrilling.

OK, so I might have received a few battle scars.

I might be a little battered and bruised.

But if I’m not mortally wounded, then the exhilaration is immense if I choose to focus on that rather than the pain.

And then my introverted batteries depleted to beyond empty will require me to sleep for a week given half a chance.

–

Now, I know that the thought of adventures, great or small are not everyone’s cup of tea, but I’ve noticed a worrying trend recently.

There are too many people citing psychological safety as the reason not to do things that scare them a bit or make them feel a little uncomfortable. This is a misuse of the concept and has the potential to bring it into disrepute.

More importantly, and worryingly for me, it may mask legitimate concerns with the culture or environment of an organisation, or someone’s management style that needs to be addressed.

I feel it is important to distinguish between personal fear and a true lack of psychological safety as conflating them can lead to a host of unintended consequences.

It was Harvard Prof. Amy Edmonson who initially coined the phrase psychological safety.

It refers to an atmosphere or a culture where individuals feel safe to take risks, voice opinions, ask questions, and admit mistakes without fear of punishment, embarrassment, or retaliation.

It’s recognised as an essential ingredient for creativity, innovation, and collaborative success. However, as with any powerful concept, psychological safety is not immune to misinterpretation or misuse.

I’ve heard people I work with declare that they can’t do something when the reality is they don’t want to or they are a bit nervous about whatever it is.

That is part of life my friends and learning how to deal with the scary rather than avoid it altogether helps us to develop necessary life skills.

–

Personal fear is that discomfort, anxiety and apprehension that we feel at the thought of taking on something new, something that takes us to the edge of our comfort zones and beyond into the unknown.

As my friend Paul reminds me often, as humans we’re conditioned for safety and wired for growth. Living a fulfilled life requires us to satisfy both in some kind of harmony.

My concern however is that too many introverts appear to be restricting their growth by opting out of things that stretch them and would serve to expand their comfort zones. If we step away from doing things that jangle our nerves, we’ll never quite know what we are capable of.

Who has not felt the thrill of achieving something they previously thought impossible?

Whether it be climbing a tree or those ropes in the school gym.

Challenging the playground or office bully/mean girls.

Or even applying for your dream job even though you don’t meet all of the criteria.

These types of things reinforce our growth mindset but if we don’t play in that territory often enough, we’re confined to the bare yard of the fixed mindset.

We continue to do what we’ve always done whether that gets us the results in life we crave or not.

I acknowledge how frustrating and maybe even scary it can be for us to achieve in a society and business system that is designed for extraverts, but that doesn’t mean our only option is to sit back and play victim. That’s our invitation to rise to the challenge.

–

That’s what our fellow introverted leaders, speakers, and entrepreneurs have done.

If we look towards some of those introverted leaders, including Barack Obama, Merissa Meyer, Bill Gates, Rosa Parks, Richard Branson, Indra Nooyi, Simon Sinek and Mary Robinson we see examples of people who chose to see the bias and step over or around it. They clearly didn’t let it hold them back.

Arguably, they used their introversion as a strength and chose to step up and lead with clarity and purpose.

Not all of us want to be to be leaders in a corporate sense, and that’s perfectly ok. There isn’t room for all of us. But we do all need to develop the skill of self-leadership. Indeed I have a stance in life which is that we should not be leading others until we can lead ourselves.

That means we need to maximise our self-awareness and develop competence around emotional regulation, resilience, self-motivation, adaptability, response-ability and accountability.

Of course it might be possible to delude myself that I know myself and my needs so well that staying in my comfort zone is self-leadership.

But you’re not fooling me, only yourself.

We don’t develop these competencies from within our comfort zone or by shying away from challenges. We develop them in experiences we have at our learning edge.

Feeling fear, discomfort and even anxiety are natural responses to new, challenging, or uncertain situations. But refusing to entertain them, or to engage with them, or to dance with them is to deny the energy of life itself.

I appreciate that we all have our own tipping point when it comes to stress and anxiety, but withdrawing so far that you can’t remember the thrill of the dance or the satisfaction when you finally get to sit and reflect isn’t the answer for natural introverts.

So,

If you’re as tired as I am of the excuses you hear people make,

know that we all have choice.

If you’re fed up of hearing your own excuses.

It’s time to choose an intentionally gentle yet purposeful adventure

one that enables you to reach more of your potential.