Learning is a journey of trust
Nugget of the Week
There is an old saying which goes “A problem shared is a problem halved”. In the grip of a problem, we’re think we’re being considerate by keeping it to ourselves.
This became really relevant for me this week as a good friend was clearly struggling, but reluctant to ask for help as they didn’t want to trouble anyone else.
But there is real substance behind that old saying which in this age of anxiety, were someone dies by suicide every 90 minutes here in the UK, we’d do well to remember. Sharing with those we trust is not burdening them, it truly is lightening our varied loads.
- It can provide emotional relief as you’re expressing feelings and emotions caught in our bodies and brains. As we release what has been trapped, our wellbeing improves. Beware the vulnerability hangover though.
- It can provide new perspectives not because those you share with automatically offer their point of view, but because as we speak what we’re struggling with, we often hear both the truth and the fantasy, or catastrophised version of the truth.
- It can help you feel supported. Once you truly know that not only are you not alone, but that others genuinely care for you, you can rest easier. Remember we are all human and therefore built for connection; the right type of connection.
All it takes is for you to have both a felt sense and the knowledge that you are safe, with yourself and your chosen sharing partner. I consider it one of the highest compliments anyone can give me.
In Photo: My friend and official photographer – Brigitta (NUX) Scholz Mastroianni
This Sh** Really Happened!
One of the delegates said at the end of the training “Can I have you on speed dial please Jo?” Whilst this may seem quite flattering initially, it’s not quite as it seems.
Now why might I not be flattered? Well, as a change agent, facilitator and coach, I want people to feel confident enough to apply the learning, and if they feel they need me in their back pocket or on speed dial, my job is not yet complete.
One of the ways I measure success in my role is when I’m no longer needed – A bit like Nanny McPhee. I still remember her infamous line “There is something you should understand about the way I work. When you need me but do not want me, then I must stay. When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go.”
Here’s what I need to clarify though – did this delegate want me more than she needed me? If that’s the case, then I am safe to go and leave her to apply her learning. If not, then I’d be better doing something pretty soon to reinforce her learning and make it stickier.
Maybe I’ll be more Nanny McPhee in future and ask that question.
Coming up, Buttercup!
Does this time of year have you feeling more No, No, No than Ho, Ho, Ho? Don’t despair, my Seasonal Sanity Savers are getting their annual overhaul.
It took me a few years to educate my nearest about how draining I found the whole ‘festive season’. I’d developed a number of ways to keep myself from feeling overwhelmed one day ate a time and they turned into my popular Seasonal Sanity Savers. I mean, why keep something to yourself, when they can help other people.
My husband is so on board with my (and now our) need for calm that he often jokes that we should keep the curtains closed and tell everyone we’ve gone away for Christmas.
So tempting.
Anyway, if you struggle as I did (and sometime still do), make sure you opt-in for my daily hints, tips and boundary reminders that are proven to work. You’ll receive an email every day throughout December, because the stress and pressure of social, workplace and family expectations lasts for the whole month.
And if you are already awash with emails and receiving one more a day through December would just add to your overwhelm, you’ll be delighted to know we’ve thought of that too! You can now access them via LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
I can’t think of a better way to counter feeling depleted and defeated than a daily nudge, a delicious moment of calm amidst the chaos and a pragmatic reminder to look after your wellbeing.
It costs you nothing and may just save your sanity!
Hot off the Press
Released this week by the House of Flourishing Introverts.
If you rate the podcast on Apple Podcasts or Spotify as well as Like, Comment and Share the YouTube video you will be helping other fellow introverts who may find this content helpful, encouraging them to live a more fulfilled and authentic life.
As ever, I am here in your corner to advocate for you.
Cage Rattler & Bias Shifter – Helping organisations unlock potential by shifting extraversion bias | Coaching quiet leaders | TEDx Speaker | Trainer | Founder, CEO – Flourishing Introverts | Host – The Flourishing Introvert Talks and (dropping) Pebbles in the Pond | Author – The Flourishing Nudge | Co-Flourisher, Co-Founder – Intent to Flourish
One thing I have noticed is that if I feel a little fear or anxiety about an invitation, it’d be all too easy to immediately decline and use my need for replenishment as a reason (or excuse).
I thought I was being sensible, but there were several factors that I hadn’t accounted for. Lots of road closures and my driver – Alan.
Impending insanity because we’re now firmly into the so called ‘festive season’ but that’s not how it feels to many of us.
Because the stress and pressure of social, workplace and family expectations lasts for the whole month, so it makes sense to have support for the whole month.
If you’ve been in my world for more than a moment, you’ll know that I’m a big fan of noticing, so the whole experiment started well for me. Dr David encouraged us to notice simple examples of kindness, like when someone lets you stitch in the queue of traffic or holds the lift door for you.
Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t asking for or looking for validation, but when an eminent strategist, author and successful business person says that, I have to admit to feeling more than a tingle of excitement.
Clinton Jordan 
The reality is that the longer we leave things the more difficult they become. If we’re leaving them hoping they will improve on their own, more often than not we’ll be disappointed.
How will we even be able to value diversity if we’re intolerant of difference? Before you get all huffy with me and insist I don’t understand, but do any of us really?
What’s fascinating to me is that I can see very clearly when others are in the grip of these drivers, but it’s so much harder to hold the mirror up to myself. But here’s what I’ve realised, as I notice it in others, it’s the nudge I need to take a quick look at my own behaviour.
We often mention that a failure to listen is the biggest problem in communication, but I think for we introverts, it’s more likely to be a failure to signal our intent.
When that happens, I hold my emotions back, hold them in and hold myself together. These are some of the bioenergetic holding patterns that I personally guide my Frustrated to Flourishing travelling companions through during our journey.
They said that although they were a little unsettled at walking into the room and seeing someone other than me, the trainers were very helpful and the training was great.
True presence isn’t about volume ; it’s about value. 
If you know you are ready to start flourishing, or are looking for ways to be more intentional about how you’re already flourishing, we have something coming that you’ll love.
I have watched from afar as she got married to the man who sent her flowers whilst we were there, and as she gave birth to her two beautiful boys who are growing into fine young men.
The upcoming episode of 
We might push ourselves to stay busy, over-commit, or overextend, all in the name of proving our worth. Shame often tags along, whispering that taking time for ourselves is selfish or unproductive, feeding the belief that resting is a weakness or something to be earned only after we’ve done “enough.”
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The work we do through the A&O Shearman ReStart programme with the over 50s, who following redundancy or having cared for elderly relatives, find themselves looking for fulfilling work. 
And you’ve heard many times that people join an organisation and leave a bad manager. Football managers are sacked most publicly when the team performs badly because all of their fans, who give their time and money to support feel let down. And that’s how organisational employees feel when their leaders don’t do what’s needed; they feel let down.
Well, this week, I got a notification that he’d looked at my LinkedIn profile and then just a few hours later published an article using a recent topic I’d written about.
But this conversation goes deeper than just leadership. We’ll also focus on how introverts themselves can recognise their unique strengths and step confidently into the equation with their own style of leadership. It’s about understanding that introversion is not something to overcome but rather a superpower to be embraced.
